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Review: ‘Bullet to the Head’

Adapted from a French graphic novel, “Bullet to the Head” is an action movie that works as something of a throwback to the action films of the late 70s and 80s, though it has its fair share of modern touches to bring it in line with modern action movies, for both better and worse.

The story is some nonsensical mess about an aging hit man named Jimmy “Bobo” Bonomo (Sylvester Stallone, The Expendables 2, Rocky Balboa) who does a hit as contracted and then immediately gets set up by his employer, which results in the death of his hit man partner for whom Jimmy Bobo seemed to have some sort of affinity. So he sets out to find out the who’s and the why’s of the whole set up and to kill whomever is responsible. This includes the gigantic rival hit man Keegan (Jason Mamoa, Conan The Barbarian), and they build up nicely to the eventual one on one battle between the two assassins (and as shown in all the trailers and commercials, it’s an axe battle. Because why not). And to liven things up, out of town cop Taylor Kwon (Sung Kang, Fast Five) shows up and offers to help Jimmy Bobo get some answers in exchange for a tour through the criminal underworld so he can find the guys that set everything up. Because why not.Continue Reading …

Review: ‘Warm Bodies’

When can we put this zombie thing to bed, at least for a little while? Looks, I was super into zombies like everyone there for a hot minute, and then I was done with them, and that is when “The Walking Dead” aired on the television and this zombie thing somehow got even more popular. But you can all feel it, right? The end? Because when we’re down to movies about zombies who re-learn how to live and fall in love, I am pretty sure we’re scraping the bottom.Continue Reading …

Netflix pick for 2/4/13 – ‘Bubble’

“Bubble” is a small Steven Soderbergh experimental movie, squished between “Ocean’s 12” and “The Good German” and “Ocean’s 13,” an all digital movie back when that was actually an experiment, in the foul year of our Lord 2006, and populated with non-actors, who give naturalistic performances that border on stilted, all telling a very small drama that takes place in a small town doll factory (hence the creepy poster).

Also adding to the experimental nature? Most of the dialogue was improvised (again, by non-professional actors), the actors in the movie used their real homes, and when this film came out it was released simultaneously on DVD, in theaters and through video on demand services, which is a practice that is far more common now, but hey, someone had to blaze that trail.

It’s a short, interesting, well made movie, made with an obviously small budget, and it definitely fills in some interesting gaps in the overall body of work compiled by master filmmaker Steven Soderbergh.Continue Reading …

#4 – Crespoetry in Motion

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In episode 4 of Cinema Crespodiso, Orlando movie critic, writer and all around good guy Chris Crespo ignores the Super Bowl and instead delivers the movie goods. Accompanied by show number two man Drewster Cogburn and special guest Rocket Scientist Matty J, the trio delve into the new Netflix Instant Pick of the Week (one of those experimental digitally-shot Soderbergh flicks), and between the three of them they review Bullet to the Head, Warm Bodies, John Dies at the End, Holy Motors, and the first episode of the Netflix original series House of Cards. They get down in the Crespodisco and then they enter the Crespodome, and the show is sprinkled with a few on-the-spot Crespoems, so it truly is Crespoetry in motion! Enjoy the Cine-madness and tell your friends!

Review: ‘Holy Motors’

“Holy Motors” is an arty French satirical dark comedy, and goodness is that a lot of quirky baggage for one movie, yet here they are, daring to be as arty and as French and as wonderfully weird and off the wall as possible. Those out there adverse to such whimsical and sometimes maddening storytelling will find much to dislike in this movie, while conversely those who seek out different and strange movies will stumble across an embarrassment of riches in this twisted journey of one man going about his day’s work.

The best way to see this movie (or just about any movie, in my opinion, which is why you are here to begin with), is with as little information beforehand as possible. That way there are no expectations and nothing is spoiled and the movie can take it’s time in showing it’s cards. If at all possible, bookmark this review and see the movie first and then come back here and read the rest. You’ll have a more bewildering yet exciting and ultimately fulfilling experience, trust me on that one. And this is the internet, so it is not like this review is going to go anywhere. We’ll all still be here when you get back.Continue Reading …

Review: ‘Parker’

Jason Statham as Parker in ‘Parker’

Who ordered the half-baked Jason Statham movie? We got a big steaming order of generic, run of the mill Jason Statham movie here, we know somebody must have asked for this thing, right? From the director of “Ray” and “An Officer and a Gentleman?” Because that makes sense. That must be the only reason why this latest in the long string of bland, interchangeable Jason Statham action movies was actually made. Are guaranteed $7-10 million opening weekends and middling at best critical responses enough to do it? Cause that’s what his movies like “Safe,” “Killer Elite” and “The Mechanic” bring in, and “Parker” is no different.Continue Reading …

Review: ‘Zero Dark Thirty’

Looking saucy while looking for terrorists…

What an intense movie. “Zero Dark Thirty” (a title which never, ever gets explained at any point or in any way) starts out with audio snippets of emergency calls from New York City on September 11, 2001, and after sixty to ninety grueling seconds of this we finally cut to our film’s first scene – an intense interrogation in which a Saudi fella gets what is known in the industry as “the business,” brutal treatment and humiliation only stopped so that questions could be shouted at him. And off we go, an epic movie about the multinational manhunt for infamous terrorist Osama Bin Laden, and while it starts off quite grueling, it eventually settles into the familiar rhythm of a typical political thriller, albeit with the added dimension of this being based on a very true and very well known event in our very immediate history.Continue Reading …

Review: ‘Broken City’

Broken City

In the grand tradition of the political investigative thrillers of the 1970s, “Broken City” is a throwback to those movies about corrupt city officials making shady deals while some sap is hired to do some small task, only to have that sap get to peek behind and attempt to throw the whole thing out of whack. Cause you see, these saps never like being used as saps, and it pisses ’em off when it does. This goes beyond the 1970s, think of the pot-boiled detective novels of the 30s/40s, in which the down on their luck detective get hired to do some dirty work, only to discover the work was far dirtier than they were led to believe, causing them to have to dig deep to make sure things get sorted out correctly. That’s “Broken City.”Continue Reading …

Review: ‘The Last Stand’

Come with me if you want meager box office returns…

Making his return to what made him popular to begin with, Arnold Schwarzenegger is back in his first leading role in an action movie in ten years, this time playing not a homicidal cyborg from the future nor an undercover cop disguised as a kindergarten teacher nor a barbarian nor a pregnant man but a small town sheriff, presiding over a workforce comprised of three deputies keeping watch over a town that seems to consist of one main street and one intersection, on which every business is conveniently located. To say that Arnold’s newest action movie is a small one is a bit of an understatement, but what better way to make your once and future action star seem larger than life all over again?Continue Reading …

Welcome!

Like a strong cup of coffee in the middle of the night…

A quick introduction:

My name is Chris Crespo, and this is my website. Here you will be able to find all things Chris Crespo related, and as you will see this will encompass a number of things. An Orlando movie critic for several years on Examiner.com and various other outlets here and there, I have a large number of review already up on my Examiner column, so if you can’t find it here, it will be there.