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Review: ‘The Counselor’

What on Earth happened to this movie? How did so many extremely talented people get together to make such a muddled movie? How come no one saw this coming? Why should we have? A ton of money was given to Oscar winning filmmakers and a Pulitzer Prize winning author to make whatever they wanted to make, and what should have been something great and worthwhile is instead, well, instead we got “The Counselor.” What a shame. What a crying out loud god damned shame.

There is a plot to “The Counselor” but the movie does not focus on it so much as it does the emotional and psychological ramifications on the different characters in the film. You see, there’s some sort of drug deal set up that involves shipping cocaine from Mexico to America, and somehow a lawyer only referred to as Counselor (Michael Fassbender) gets himself involved with this transaction, though it is not explained in any way, shape or form how he is involved with this deal. And then when the deal goes wrong, it is somehow linked to him tangentially, which is apparently enough for the Mexican Cartel behind this particular deal to come after him and everything he holds dear, which is personified in his new fiancée Laura (Penelope Cruz).Continue Reading …

Netflix pick for 10/28/13 – ‘Commando’

“Commando” is one of those iconic Arnold Schwarzenegger movies from the 1980s, relying very much on Arnold’s impressive, award winning physique and his knack for portraying unstoppable machines of destruction on camera, figuratively as well as literally. While the character of John Matrix is not a cyborg, he might as well be, as he does things humans pretty much can’t do, which includes racking up a body count of just over 100 people, with about 80 of them dying at Arnold’s hands directly. Ah the 80s. When violence was king.

Part of what makes “Commando” awesome is how simple the story is, jumping into the plot really quickly by having John Matrix’s daughter (Alyssa Milano) getting kidnapped early on, sending Matrix on a journey to rescue his daughter from some scumbags. It’s pretty much “The Terminator” meets “Man on Fire.” Sound good to you? Good. Oh yeah and this movie also features Bill Duke, David Patrick Kelly, Rae Dawn Chong and Dan Hedaya, so there’s also that. And some guy gets the top of his head removed when Matrix throws a buzz saw blade at him like a frisbee.Continue Reading …

#42 – Halloweenie Crespodiso

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In episode 42, Chris Crespo and Drewster Cogburn recap the weekend box office results, they talk about the new Netflix Instant Pick of the Week and the Crespodome is packed with movie news, questions from listeners and so much more.

Things discussed in this episode include:

Commando is the Netflix Instant Pick of the Week.

Chris and Drew were disappointed with The Counselor.

Chris and Drew both thought Bad Grandpa was okay enough.

New movies on DVD this week include Monsters University, R.I.P.D. and Byzantium.

New movies in theaters this week include Ender’s Game, Last Vegas, Free Birds, About Time and Dallas Buyer’s Club.

The Crespodisco features Ray Parker Jr’s Ghostbusters theme song and a cut from the Dredd soundtrack.Continue Reading …

Review: ‘Don Jon’

This Joseph Gordon-Levitt guy, who does he think he is, what with the writing and the directing and the starring and what not. Know what I mean? This was the long hair doofy kid on “3rd Rock From the Sun” slash that orphan kid that saw Doc Brown as an angel in “Angels in the Outfield,” and now here he is writing and directing and starring in “Don Jon,” his own movie in which he gets to write his character having sex with many women, Scarlett Johansson being chief among them, and this guy even admits he wrote this with Johansson in mind! He set out to make a movie in which he beds ScarJo, and he succeeded! Like I said! Who does he think he is?!

Well he’s a damn genius that’s what he is, at least in that department. But surely the reason she even did the movie was because ot its strong, character-centric story which tries to break the typical rom-com mold, being much more upfront and real about sex and people’s sexual wants versus their sexual needs, with the added spin of internet pornography (and porn in general) being an obstacle for a character to get over and not just the source for some cheap “American Pie” style humor.

Instead it is a pretty focused story about a guy named Jon who makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that the only things he cares about are his body, his pad, his ride, his family, his church, his boys, his girls and his porn.Continue Reading …

Netflix pick for 10/21/13 – ‘Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior’

When “Ong Bak” got a U.S. theatrical release in 2003, it was one of those limited release deals, playing in only one theater in town, and only playing there for a couple of weeks. It wasn’t even one of the better theaters, either. It was a dingy piece of crap that ain’t even open anymore. But still. I have fond memories of that shithouse. Because that is where i saw “Ong Bak” on the big screen and it thoroughly kicked my ass and I have never forgotten that.

From my original write up on Examiner.com:

“Martial arts movies are made all the time all over the world, but it is only on occasion when a movie is made that signals the break out of the world’s next big martial arts action star. And in 2003, one of these movies was released. And it was good.

Ong Bak: Muay Thai Warrior features stuntman turned lead actor Tony Jaaa and it is pretty easy to see how this movie positioned him to be the Next Big Thing. Of course thanks to hindsight we all know he went a little nuts and buckled under the pressure of making Ong Bak 2, but back in ’03, people were throwing around the ole “the next Bruce Lee” adage in reference to his incredible work. And it all really started with this movie.”

#41 – A.K.A. Dr. Magnets

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In episode 41, Chris Crespo and Drewster Cogburn both review Escape Plan, and Chris reviews Carrie. There is a new Netflix Instant Pick of the Week, a sparring round of Drewster Cogburn vs the World, and so much more!

Things discussed in this episode include:

The Netflix Instant Pick of the Week is Ong Bak: Thai Warrior.

Chris and Drew recap the box office top five for the weekend.

New movies on DVD include The Conjuring, The Internship, The Way Way Back and Only God Forgives.

New movies in theater this week include The Counselor and Jackass Presents Bad Grandpa.

This week’s Crespodisco break features “No Other Love” as heard in The Master and “528491” from the Inception soundtrack.Continue Reading …

Review: ‘Escape Plan’

Oh if this movie had only been made back in 1994, back during a time when the teaming of the two biggest action stars of the 80s and 90s actually would have had more punch, back when CG couldn’t be relied upon for effects and modern shaky cam and hyper editing didn’t ruin action scenes by rendering them incomprehensible and boring, back when action movies actually MEANT something. But alas, that time is long gone, we are in a more cynical age, and alas, the best we can get now is “Escape Plan,” a halfway decent movie featuring a couple of guys you may have heard of.

In this movie that should have been made in the 90s and has a story that stinks of 90s leftovers and has the overall feel of a 2000’s direct to video venture, Sly Stallone plays Ray Breslin, a guy who breaks out of prisons for a living. But then he finds himself inside a prison that is the ultimate in unbreakable (long story), so of course he has to figure out how to break his way out. And with the help of fellow inmate Emil (Arnold Schwarzenegger), he goes about trying to put together the ins and outs of a very weird prison that looks like something mixed between the boxes of monsters in “The Cabin in the Woods” and the all-white prison of “THX 1138” so he can devise a…wait for it…escape plan!Continue Reading …

Review: ‘Carrie’

Did you see the 1976 “Carrie?” Then you’ve pretty much seen the 2013 “Carrie,” as neither movie diverges much from the original Stephen King novel anyway, so the remake only offers updated effects and a contemporary setting. But they might as well have set the story in the 70’s, it’s all the same thing anyway. So if you liked the first one, this shouldn’t disappoint.

In “Carrie 2K13,” after a birth scene in which the mother(Julianne Moore) behaves as if she doesn’t know what childbirth even is, we jump straight to awkward Carrie White (Chloë Grace Moretz) in high school, getting her first period in the girl’s locker room after gym class and mistaking it for something much worse, and then getting teased and bullied by the other girls in the class, who all throw sanitary napkins at her and call her names and, here’s the 2013 twist-a-roo, take cell phone video of her freaking out (see what they did there? Updating that shit yo!). This starts a chain reaction of events that ends with a prank gone wrong at the school prom that causes Carrie to freak out and use her telekinetic powers to kill everyone.

Oh yeah, Carrie has telekinetic powers.Continue Reading …

The Crespodisco #1 – Bigger Balls, Brighter Lights

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In the first ever Crespodisco bonus episode, Chris and Drew take a break from talking about movies to instead talk about music, and in this episode they focus on the music they listened to growing up, all the way through their high schools. They each picked out five songs to share with everyone, so check out the tunes that helped shape Chris and Drew as you know them today.

Review: ‘Captain Phillips’

“Captain Phillips” is Paul Greengrass doing pretty much what he knows best, which is recreating real life events in a way that feels immediate and actual, very cinema vérité despite the fact that movie stars often pop up to remind the viewer that this is indeed just a movie. Greengrass broke out with “Bloody Sunday” and he tackled the U.S.-Iraq quagmire in “Green Zone,” and now he’s here with a story about four Somali pirates hijacking an American cargo ship and taking the captain as a hostage for insurance money.

“Captain Phillips” is very much based on the very true story of a pirate hijacking in 2009, and as it was written by Captain Richard Phillips, it tells his story and his side of the whole nasty bit of business, and now this Phillips guy must really be on top of the world now because he survived a pirate hijacking (SPOILER! Duh! He wrote the damn book!), wrote a bestselling book about it, and now he gets to see Tom Hanks play him in a movie based on the book he wrote about a portion of his own life. Oh what a world.

But what makes “Captain Phillips” really work, and this is something noted in the Captain’s own book and is also backed up with a little bit of research, is how sympathetic the Somalis are in this instance. At least in this movie, the Somali men in a small, war-torn, destroyed village are ushered to the beach with machine guns pointed at them by gang leaders and mob bosses, forcing them to “work” by being pirates, as this has become the sole source of income for the impoverished country. And there is even a bit of a throwaway line about overfishing in the area taking away the livelihood of the people actually living there, though that’s really it. There really isn’t preaching or sermonizing in this thing at all, it’s just a very interesting true story that brings up some very tricky socio-economic points and issues on a geopolitical scale about the haves and the have-nots. But really this is just a taut thriller in which at the end of the day it kind of feels like there are no winners.Continue Reading …